I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
is that a dick in a sweater?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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