you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
