Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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