Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
