dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
