I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
