you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize