Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
