Taylor Swift is so right about you.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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