first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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