Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
