she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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