Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
