if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
