Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
