if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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