Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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