Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
