Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
