Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
