please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
