shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
