This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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