Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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