So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
