i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
