imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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