I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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