wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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