Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize