I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
