Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
