Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
