Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
