Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
