I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
