I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
