we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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