Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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