Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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