His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
