# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
