Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
