She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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