Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
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Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.