I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Sober January is a disaster.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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