put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.