you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
At least life still wants to fuck me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.