Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
