Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.