Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.