Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me