Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
