The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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