i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
