WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
