You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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