Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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