Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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