She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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