The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
