Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
