i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
