did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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