oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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