He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
