I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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