well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
