Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
